I hate when people say “You Just have to Love Yourself First“
How do we love ourselves in a world made to point out our flaws?
I have spent much of my life grappling with myself, my weight, my height, my disability and my general sense of value as a person. Entirely magnified by social media, how do we disconnect from a constantly connected world and recognise ourselves in the mirror again? I have spent a lot of time reflecting on who I am, literally looking into the mirror, asking this question. I do not claim to know everything, but I hope these words leave you with some peace:
– You are enough now
Despite the unwarranted opinions of others, an ex, a parent, a friend – you are actually enough. Your uniqueness is what makes you special. Take that gift you were given and walk confidently into the world. You are not here to shrink into the shadows or hideaway. You are here because you are a worthy, highly valuable person just as much as anyone else.
– You Can’t wait for Permission
We live in a system designed to make us feel powerless, and at the mercy of “otherness” eg. getting into college, getting hired by that boss, getting an audience to validate your opinions. But this is not the truth that we have been trained to believe! The truth is that nothing truly impactful has ever come from security, playing it safe or following the rules. Change and power are born from resistance and difference. They are born from living, speaking and acting despite what the rules say. If you wait for permission you will be waiting your whole life. So what do you have and what do you want to say?
– Love won’t set you free
3 years ago I would have rolled my eyes when I read that title. I spent a large chunk of my life believing a relationship would fill the void in my life and heart. The truth is, love is beautiful and awesome, but the void is not a lack of external love. The void is a point of suffering, it was created from not being nurtured or loved in the way you needed at some point in your life. That void is the lesson that is screaming at you to listen. That void is the place where you can go in and connect with yourself, your pain and face it. It might hurt, it might suck, but it is necessary to your self-growth and evolution.
– Your Body is Beautiful
I don’t care what you think, it is. Beauty standards have caused you trauma, struggle and unnecessary self-torture. We were not all born to look the same, and the fact there is basically one type of approved “beautiful” in the world is a shocking injustice. We are all beautiful in our tall, short, skinny, soft, lean, muscly, chubby, hairy and hairless bodies. You do not need to tailor yourself and your life around meeting the needs of society, social media or someone you are dating to make them happy. That is not your job, and the people who love you will not deem you as anything but “just right”. You are just right. You are perfect as you are now.
So, I hate when people tell me I just have to love myself first. That is saying you are not worthy of love now because of your own suffering. That is not true, you are worthy of love in any moment and through any suffering. The truth is that there is still love inside of you, it has just been silenced by the lies of the world, and that is not your fault. So please consider all of this before you deem yourself unworthy of that thing you want.
You deserve it. Go get it.
By Justine Eltakchi https://justineeltakchi.com/music/
Justine Eltakchi is the song-writer behind “Proud” that came 2nd at Eurovision Australia 2020, performed by Casey Donovan and produced by John Foreman. 2020 was the first year Justine had her compositions make the top 10 on iTunes (Donovan), #1 on the ARIA Album Charts including an ARIA nomination (Jasmine Rae) , and songs reached over 1 million streams (Abby Christo, Jasmine Rae). Justine’s co-write “Gypsy Dreams’ by Zelie, was also named Video of the Week by Rolling Stones AU in 2020.
Since being accepted into SongExpo Norway in 2019, Justine has been co-writing with local and international artists, with releases including Nick De La Hoyde, Brittany Maggs, POSTA (Atlanta) and 17 year old Alanna Vullo (Canberra).
Justine has been working tirelessly in sessions, building her catalogue while performing live around Sydney with over 700 gigs in the last 5 years. During Covid19, Justine organised the RESOUND Song Camp that created opportunities for 15 local producers, writers and artists to work to briefs from Publishers and labels including Swedish publisher EKKO Music Rights.
In 2020, Justine was appointed an ambassador for APRA-AMOS in which she advocates for disability awareness. During this time Justine also released 2 EP’s through Gatcombe Music featuring “Fall Up’ with Atlanta-based producer POSTA and “She Knows” with Nick De La Hoyde. 2021 will be a huge year with more releases, co-writes and the second Resound camp in planning.