The phrase “let it go” is often offered as advice when someone is struggling with emotional pain. Whether the pain comes from grief, trauma, rejection, failure, or the end of a relationship, the expectation is often that people should simply move on and leave the past behind. Yet for many, this advice feels impossible because letting go is rarely a single choice. It is a gradual psychological process that takes time, self-awareness, and emotional courage.
This understanding forms the foundation of Dr Ben Bander Abudawood’s conceptual paper, Ben’s Five-Stage Framework of Letting Go: A Conceptual Model of Psychological Transformation from Adversity to Flourishing. Rather than presenting healing as a quick fix, Dr Abudawood introduces a structured framework that explains how people can move from emotional suffering to resilience and ultimately to flourishing. His model recognises that healing is not about erasing painful memories but about changing the way we relate to them.
At the centre of the framework are five interconnected stages: Recognise, Reveal, Release, Rebuild, and Rise. Each stage represents an important part of the healing journey and together they provide a practical roadmap for personal transformation.
The first stage, Recognise, is where change begins. Many people carry emotional pain without fully acknowledging its presence. They may stay busy, suppress their emotions, or convince themselves that they have already moved on. However, unresolved emotions often continue to influence behaviour, relationships, and decision-making. Dr Abudawood argues that genuine healing starts when individuals honestly recognise the emotional weight they are carrying. Recognition requires courage because it asks people to face uncomfortable truths instead of avoiding them. Although difficult, this awareness creates the foundation for every stage that follows.
Once pain has been recognised, the framework moves to Reveal. This stage is about understanding the deeper story behind emotional suffering. Instead of focusing only on what happened, individuals begin exploring how those experiences affected their beliefs, identity, and outlook on life. Questions such as “Why does this still affect me?” or “What have I learned to believe about myself because of this experience?” become central to the process. Reflection, journalling, counselling, mindfulness, and honest conversations can all help reveal patterns that may have remained hidden for years. This stage encourages curiosity rather than self-judgement, allowing people to understand themselves with greater compassion.
The third stage, Release, is often misunderstood. Many people assume that letting go means forgetting painful experiences or pretending they no longer matter. Dr Abudawood presents a different perspective. Release is not about denying the past but about freeing ourselves from the emotional burdens attached to it. Feelings such as resentment, guilt, anger, fear, shame, and regret can quietly shape our lives long after difficult events have passed. Releasing these emotions does not erase memories, but it reduces their power to control our thoughts, actions, and relationships. This stage often takes time because emotional healing is rarely immediate. Instead, release happens gradually as acceptance replaces resistance.
The fourth stage, Rebuild, reflects one of the most important ideas within the framework. Adversity often changes how people see themselves. Someone who has experienced loss may lose confidence, while someone who has experienced betrayal may struggle to trust others again. Healing therefore involves more than managing emotions. It also requires rebuilding identity, confidence, purpose, and hope. During this stage, individuals begin creating healthier habits, strengthening relationships, setting meaningful goals, and developing a renewed sense of direction. Rather than attempting to return to the person they were before adversity, they become a stronger version of themselves shaped by wisdom and experience.
The final stage, Rise, represents flourishing. This stage goes beyond recovery. It reflects the belief that difficult experiences can become opportunities for profound personal growth. Individuals who reach this stage often develop greater resilience, emotional intelligence, empathy, and appreciation for life. They are no longer defined by what happened to them. Instead, they use those experiences to inspire positive change in themselves and sometimes in others. Rising does not mean life becomes free from future challenges, but it means facing those challenges with greater confidence and inner strength.
One of the strengths of Dr Abudawood’s framework is that it avoids presenting healing as a perfectly straight path. People may move forward, encounter new challenges, revisit earlier stages, and continue growing throughout their lives. This flexibility makes the model realistic because emotional recovery rarely follows a predictable timeline. Each person’s journey is different, yet the framework provides guidance without suggesting there is only one correct way to heal.
Another important contribution of the framework is its broad practical value. Mental health professionals may use it to help clients understand where they are in their healing journey. Coaches can use it to support individuals working through personal or professional setbacks. Educators can apply its principles to encourage emotional resilience in students, while leaders may find it valuable when supporting employees through periods of organisational change or personal difficulty. Beyond professional settings, the framework is equally meaningful for anyone seeking greater emotional wellbeing in everyday life.
The framework also aligns with growing research in positive psychology and post-traumatic growth, both of which recognise that adversity can become a catalyst for personal development. Instead of viewing hardship solely as something to survive, Dr Abudawood encourages readers to see it as an opportunity to develop resilience, discover new strengths, and create deeper meaning. This perspective does not minimise suffering but acknowledges that growth and pain can exist together.
Dr Ben Abudawood is an Associate Professor, Senior Educator, researcher, and author whose work focuses on psychological transformation, resilience, wellbeing, and human flourishing. His research explores how individuals can navigate adversity while developing the emotional skills needed to build meaningful and fulfilling lives. Through the Five-Stage Framework of Letting Go, he has introduced a practical conceptual model that bridges academic theory with real-world application, making complex psychological ideas accessible to researchers, practitioners, and the wider public.
In a world where people are often expected to recover quickly from life’s challenges, Dr Ben Bander Abudawood’s framework offers a more compassionate perspective. It reminds us that healing is not measured by how quickly we move on, but by how deeply we understand ourselves, release emotional burdens, rebuild our lives, and continue growing. Letting go is not about forgetting the past. It is about transforming our relationship with it. When we embrace that journey, we open the door not only to recovery but also to resilience, purpose, and lasting flourishing.